Guide to Dating Japanese Girls

Issue # 1 Nomikai 101

Hello gentlemen. I'm Kitty, born in Japan and grew up in Japan. You want to know about Japanese girls? You want to date Japanese girls? But you don't even know how to talk to them or what to talk about? I'm here for you, hopeless boys. I maybe a DOG and my name happens to be Kitty (shut your mouth), but I know a lot about J-chicks.

Well, well, well. Since this Guide to Dating Japanese Girls will be issued at randomly, I'm going to write about different situations one at a time. So the first issue of GDJG (cool, huh?) is, Nomikai 101. You want to talk to her and get to know her. Now what to say to her? The first impression is important, so they say.

Warning: This is 101, for beginners, as written above, if you are already an expert on Nomikai and have scored many girls' numbers, you might not find this issue useful, so no need to send me hate mails saying YO KITTY YOU ARE DUMB AS ****! Thank you for your cooperation. *sips a cup of vanilla latte*

• So, Kitty, what's Nomikai? It's kind of like a party among a group of friends, students or co-workers, often held at Izakaya or cafe/bar. It's often viewed as a good way to meet new people.

  If you spot your type of girl at Nomikai, it would be a rather lucky situation because you have at least a couple of hours to try to talk to her, if it goes well, you could get her phone number or better yet, win a date with her on the weekend. But at the same time, other guys have chances to talk to her as well and have her interested in them. It could be quite competitive. Now at Nomikai, people sit on a big table, and what's important here is, where to sit.

  In many cases, your seat is already assigned and you can't really change your seat. But if you have a choice, do not sit next to her. When everyone is talking about a certain topic, cooperative Japanese girls who don't like to be left alone, tend not to look at the person next to them, let alone start talking to him/her. So, sit across her. See the figure below.

  As you can see, sitting right in front of her wouldn't be very good considering the fact that this is the first time to talk to her. You wouldn't want her to be too shy to talk to you but if you are sitting right in front of her, it could happen.

  

  See, if you could sit in that Blue seat (Perfect for A), it would be the best because you wouldn't make her nervous since you are not sitting right next to her or right in front of her, plus you could score her phone number easily at the end of the night without making it obvious to everyone that you are asking her for her digits. The good thing about sitting in the Green seat (Good for B and for A&B) is that it's easy for you to cut in the conversation even if she's talking to the guy right in front of her or next to her without making her and everyone else feel awkward/annoyed. You can watch other guys from there and of course you can start a conversation hoping she would join. Plus, eye contacting is really important and it makes it easier for her to realize that you are trying to make eye contact with her because, you are not right in front of her but yet your eyes meet a lot, what's that supposed to mean?

Now I hope you have got a clue about where to sit at Nomikai. Some of you might say, "Oh kitty what are you talking about? I WANNA SIT RIGHT NEXT TO HER!", and that's completely understandable, all you horny boys.

Okay now let's move on to the next step. You are at Nomikai, she is there drinking, eating, just having fun with everyone. How do you start a conversation with her? What to say? " Man I'm getting nervous! "
The key is, do not start asking her a/s/l (it's not online, you are not in a chat room with her.) It would be easier for her to open up to you if you start talking to her without asking her questions about herself. So here are some phrases you could use for a start. After using these phrases, you might want to go ahead and ask her name, introduce yourself to her.

*What you wanna drink next? (Tsugi wa nani nomu?)
Take a look at her glass. When it's getting empty, before she notices that she needs another drink, ask her this and try to order for her. You don't need to worry about the fact that you have never talked to her before. Just ask this and you can introduce yourself to her afterwards.

*Is it good? (Sore oishii?)
Simply ask her if the food she is eating is good or not. If she says it's good, you can go ahead and ask, "Can I try it?" (Tabete miteii?) . And then you can start a conversation maybe asking her what kind of food she likes.

*Have you been here before? (Koko ni kitakoto aru?)
It's a simple question and I'm sure anyone can try this one. If she says "NO", then you could ask her where she usually goes to for drinking, "Where do you usually go when you go out for drinking? (itsumo wa dokode nomu?)" And then you can talk about your favorite bars/clubs, if the conversation goes well, you could say "I could take you there sometime, if you want. (kondo tsurete itte ageyouka?)"

After trying out these phrases, remember to introduce yourself to her.

IMPORTANT: Many Japanese girls don't tell you that they have boyfriends unless they are asked if they have one. So, to save your time and tears, make sure you ask her if she is currently in a relationship or not.

Now that you've started a conversation with her, it's all up to you to keep her interested in you. Talk about anything, your view on Japan, music, movies, etc. Just don't give up if you really want to get to know her. Well, boys, I can't really go on writing down every single details on topics to talk about, but there are some tips that could be useful when you try to get her phone number/email addresses.

*Show her some pictures on your cell phone.
If you have any funny pictures or beautiful pictures, your pet's, or any pictures, show them to her. And make an offer to her that you will send her the picture. Say, "Kono syashin okutte ageruyo!" (Let me send this picture to you! ) That way, you can easily score her email address. Plus, it wouldn't be that awkward because your intention is to send her some pictures, not to score her email address but you will, and that's your true intention in the end.

*When she goes to the bathroom, follow her. (Do not freak her out though.)
This could be risky, you might end up being called "Kimoi" and you wouldn't want that to happen. So choose the right time. Hopefully, after you have had a enough conversation with her. After she leaves to go to the bathroom, you go there, too but don't take a leak. You don't want to lose her while you are in the bathroom. Wait for her outside the bathroom and act like you just had to go to the bathroom, too. And then, start saying things like, "Ne, kondo mail shitemo ii? Address koukan shinai? " (Can I email you sometime? Can we exchange email addresses? ) or, if you have been hitting it off well with her and you are sure that you can keep a conversation on the phone with her, go for her phone number.

*Borrow her phone.
This one is a bit risky and requires some real acting but if you want to try it, I won't stop you.
First, act like your phone has gone crazy. Hold your cell phone in your hand, shake your head, and say "Denwa kowareta nokana? Mail mo Denwa mo dekinai!" (Is my phone broken!? It wouldn't let me email or make phone calls.) And then ask her if she could try to call your cell phone to check if it's properly working or not, saying "Chotto tashikameru tameni bokuno keitai ni denwa/mail shitemite kureru?" (To check if it's working or not, will you call/email my cell phone real quick?). And in this case, not many people would say "NO". So, after she tried to call you, since your cell phone has been working fine, her phone number or email address would be on your cell phone. Voila! After that, don't forget to act like you still have no idea what was wrong with your cell phone but tell her thanks anyway. Whenever you try to call her someday for the first time, tell her you got her number when she helped you.

Now I hope I could have helped out those who didn't have any idea how to try to score phone numbers. Of course there are many ways to do that and it's completely up to you how to do it. So these described above are just examples.
But many Japanese girls don't show their feelings, so watch her carefully. If she doesn't seem to be interested in you, I suggest that you don't try too hard. I'm sure this applies to girls from every country though. There are many types of girls out there, just because you get turned down by 10 Japanese girls, don't be discouraged. It's not because they are Japanese, it's not because they don't like foreigners, it's just that there is someone else waiting for you, Japanese or not.

Alright boys, I'm done for today. Look forward to the next issue, if you want me to write about a certain topic or have any questions of Japanese girls in general, feel free to contact me from here. Type "I LOVE KITTY." in the title!

Thanks, Kitty ♥